You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You are going to study in a college in the UK next year. You would like to stay in a college Hall of Residence. Write a letter to the college. In your letter explain your accommodation requirements explain what your food needs are ask what alternatives are available if they cannot provide what you want You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure, appropriate tone, and effective addressing of the task requirements. The letter is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the request, which enhances coherence. Critical areas for improvement involve reducing repetition of certain words and enhancing lexical variety. Structural changes made include slight adjustments to improve clarity and coherence, such as changing 'college' to 'institution' and 'accommodation' to 'amenities' in some instances. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating more varied linking phrases between paragraphs and using synonyms to reduce repetition. The tone used is formal and appropriate for the context of the letter.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the request, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking phrases to connect thoughts between paragraphs.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'I would appreciate if' which should be 'I would appreciate it if,' but these do not significantly impede understanding. Overall, the grammatical accuracy is strong, with only rare minor errors.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the message clearly. Phrases like 'dietary restrictions' and 'vegetarian and gluten-free options' demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there is some repetition of words such as 'college' and 'accommodation.' Introducing synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the lexical resource score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task, clearly outlining accommodation requirements, food needs, and inquiring about alternatives. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter, and the content is relevant and well-developed. To improve further, the writer could provide more specific details about the preferred location of the accommodation.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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