You should spend about 40 minutes on this question. Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, there has been a heated debate about the role sport should have in the lifves of schoolchildren. Some argues that sports is must be a key component tof school activities, while others say it needs to just be a choice. In this essay, I will analyse both sides and give my own point of view. On the one hand, there are many reasons why sport should be compulsory for students. Firstly, sport improves physical fitness and health, which is crucial for growing kids. Regular exercise helps prevent obesity and reduces the risk of chronic diseases. In addition, sport teaches valuable life skills such as teamwork, discipline, and perserverance. When children playing sports together, they learn how to cooperate with others to achieve a common goal. Moreover, sports can boost self-esteem and confidence. Participating in competitions and winning trophies gives children a sense of pride and accomplishment. On the other hand, some people believe that sport should be optional rather thean required. One argument is that not all students are athletically inclined or interested atin sports. Forcing them to participate can lead to frustration and resentment. Additionally, some parents worry that too much focus on sports can distract from academic pursuits. They argue that schools should prioritise subjects like maths, science, and languages over physical activities. Another concern is the risk of injuries.; contact sports such as football and hockey can result in sprains, broken bones, or even concussions. In my opinion, I believe that sport should be an essential part of school life, but with some flexibility. Schools should offer a diverse range of sports and physical activities to cater to different interests and abilities. This way, every student can find something they enjoy and feel conmfortable participating in. However, I also think there should be some room for individual choice. If a student strongly dislikes sports or haves health issues that prevent them from participating, they should be allowed to opt out or find alternative ways to stay active. Ultimately, the goal should be to promote physical and mental well-being while also respecting each child's unique needs and preferences. In conclusion, there are valid arguments on both sides of the debate about sports in school. While some see it as essential for health, personal development, and character building, others worry about it detracting from academics and causing unnecessary pressure or harm. In my view, sports should be a fundamental part of education, but with enough flexibility and variety to accommodate different students. By striking a balance between structure and choice, schools can help children reap the many benefits of physical activity while also allowing them to explore other interests and talents.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on the role of sports in school life and presents a clear personal opinion. Key strengths include a well-structured argument and appropriate vocabulary. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions, and ensuring proper spelling. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or studies to strengthen arguments and varying sentence structures for greater complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs that separate different ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'On the contrary' or 'In addition to this' could improve the flow of the argument. Overall, the logical progression is evident, but minor improvements in cohesion would enhance clarity.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('Some argues' should be 'Some argue') and incorrect verb forms ('help' should be 'helps'). These errors affect the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the grammatical range.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'perseverance,' 'self-esteem,' and 'academic pursuits.' However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'sport' and 'student,' which could be replaced with synonyms to demonstrate a wider lexical range. Additionally, minor spelling errors (e.g., 'perserverance' should be 'perseverance') detract from the overall impression.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the role of sports in school life and presents a clear personal opinion. However, it could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. For instance, citing studies on the benefits of physical activity or personal anecdotes could enhance the analysis.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?