You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Global health contribution as a student nurse Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, global health is a very important issue for every countriesy. As a student nurse, there are many ways to make contributions to it. In this essay, I will discuss about these ways. Firstly, a student nurse can join a volunteer program to help people in need in other countries where peopleindividuals are suffering from poor health conditions. For example, they can go to developing countries in Africa or Asia and helpassist local people by providing basic healthcare services like vaccination, health education, and treating common illnesses. This is a good way to make a direct impact on improving global health. Secondly Furthermore, student nurses can also participate in research projects that focus ion global health issues. For instance, they can help collect data or doconduct literature reviews on topics like infectious diseases, nutrition, or maternal and child health in different parts of the world. By contributing to research, student nurses can help to generate new knowledge and evidence that can be used to inform policy and practice in global health. Thirdly In addition, student nurses can also advocate for raising awareness about global health issues among their peers and in their communities. They can organize events or campaigns to educate people about the importance of global health and encourage them to take actions. For example, they can organize fundraising events to support global health charities or petition the government to increase funding for global health initiatives. In conclusion, there are many ways for student nurses to make contributione to global health, such as volunteering, participating in research, and advocateing for awareness raising. By taking actions in these areas, student nurses can play an important role in improving the health and well-being of people around the world.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the topic of global health contributions as a student nurse, providing relevant examples and discussing various ways to contribute. Key strengths include a clear structure and relevant content. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and preposition use, as well as enhancing coherence through smoother transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include the addition of cohesive devices at the beginning of paragraphs and a more precise conclusion that summarizes the main points. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the vocabulary to reduce repetition and employing more complex sentence structures to enhance sophistication. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct point, but the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' at the beginning of paragraphs could enhance the flow. The conclusion could also better summarize the main points to reinforce the overall message.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'every countries' (should be 'every country') and 'focus in' (should be 'focus on'). These errors affect the overall clarity. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'volunteer program,' 'health education,' and 'advocate' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'student nurses can also,' which could be varied for better lexical diversity. Additionally, the phrase 'advocate raising awareness' should be 'advocate for raising awareness.'
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of global health contributions as a student nurse effectively, providing relevant examples and discussing various ways to contribute. However, it could benefit from a more structured conclusion that summarizes the key points more clearly. Additionally, the phrase 'discuss about' is incorrect; it should simply be 'discuss.'
7.5

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