You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Hobbies play an important role in our lives. Discuss the benefits and drawbacks of having a hobby, and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Hobbies are activities whichthat we perform in our pass time and enjoy to spendduring our lesisure time. Hobbies can btake various types likeforms, such as playing sports, reading books, singing songs, or dancing. In modern days, hobbies gethave gained importance toin balanceing our proffessional and personal lifeves. However, hobbies have both benefits and some downside toos for individuals. The main advantage of having a hobby is that it helps us to relax our selves from the stress of daily works and recharge our batteries. For example, when I was doing my graduation inat university, iI used to play badminton every weekend with my friends, which helped me to refresh my mood for nextthe upcoming week's study schedule. Moreover, hobbies can be a way to socializse with people who shavre common interest like us. For instance, joining a book club can help tous meet new peoples who also love reading and discussing new ideas. On the other hand, if we spend too much of times on hobbies, it can eaffect our main priorities like, such as study or jobwork. Hobbies should be limited, and ithey shouldn't become addictive. Addiction tof hobbies like online gaming might be harrmful forto both mental and physical health too. In a. Additionally, some hobbies can be expensive like, such as collecting antiques items or travelling around the world, which not everyone cannot afford. In conclusion, I believe that having a hobby has a more positive impact on our lifves than negative ones. It is essential for everyone to have at leeast one hobby to keepmaintain the right balance between personal life and work life. However, we have tomust be careful that our hobbies don' not take over our main responsibilities and that we maintain a limit.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear understanding of the topic and relevant examples that illustrate both the benefits and drawbacks of having hobbies. The structure is generally logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The essay could benefit from a more balanced view of the drawbacks, as well as a more definitive conclusion that summarises the key points. Additionally, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, particularly when shifting from benefits to drawbacks. The vocabulary used is appropriate but could be expanded to avoid repetition and inaccuracies. Furthermore, grammatical errors and punctuation issues hinder clarity and should be addressed. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and enhancing the overall clarity of the writing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to enhance lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks could be more clearly signposted. Using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance the overall clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors in grammar and punctuation (e.g., 'pass time' should be 'pastime', 'effect' should be 'affect', 'at leest' should be 'at least'). These errors occasionally hinder clarity. More complex sentence structures and attention to accuracy would enhance the score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some variety. However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'hobby' and 'hobbies') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'lesiure' should be 'leisure', 'harrmful' should be 'harmful'). Expanding the range of vocabulary and using synonyms could improve this score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of having a hobby, providing relevant examples. However, the response could be improved by offering a more balanced view and deeper analysis of the drawbacks. Additionally, the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing the key points.
6.5

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