You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
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The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views regarding investment in new railway lines versus improving existing public transport, and it presents a clear opinion advocating for the latter. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both perspectives, and a concise conclusion. The writer's opinion is clearly stated, and the arguments are relevant to the topic. Critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of each viewpoint. The use of cohesive devices was somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. Additionally, there were several grammatical errors that affected clarity and accuracy, which have been corrected in the revised version. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary choices, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific statistics or case studies to support arguments and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'On the other hand' and 'However' are used, but more varied linking words could enhance the flow. To improve, the writer could use more cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'a big amounts of money' (should be 'a large amount of money'), 'should be spend' (should be 'should be spent'), and 'rather then' (should be 'rather than'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the presence of errors suggests a need for improvement. To enhance this score, the writer should proofread their work to correct grammatical mistakes and ensure proper sentence construction.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'big amounts of money' and 'large money.' The use of terms like 'high-speed trains' and 'public transportation' is effective, but the essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more sophisticated expressions to convey their ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding investment in new railway lines versus improving existing public transport. The writer presents a clear opinion, advocating for the latter. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of each viewpoint. For improvement, the writer could include statistics or case studies to support their arguments.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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