You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many big cities, the use of public transportation like buses, trains and subways is encouraged. What are the reasons for this? Do you think that this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument in favour of public transport. Key strengths include a well-defined opinion and logical structure. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the inclusion of specific examples to support claims. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and enhancing clarity in certain phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating specific statistics or examples to strengthen arguments and varying sentence structures for better engagement. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For example, using linking phrases such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could improve the cohesion of the text. The structure is clear, but the use of cohesive devices could be more varied.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('it reduce' should be 'it reduces') and incorrect plural forms ('peoples' should be 'people'). There are also awkward constructions, such as 'get to there destination' instead of 'get to their destination.' While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'citys' instead of 'cities' and 'enviroment' instead of 'environment.' Additionally, phrases like 'reduce harm to the environment' could be expressed more elegantly. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for encouraging public transportation and presents a clear opinion that it is a positive development. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or data to support the claims made. For instance, citing statistics on traffic reduction or environmental benefits would strengthen the argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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