You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: International travel is becoming more common these days. An increasing number of people choose to travel to Europe. What are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

PresCurrently, more and mmore people are travelling to Europe from all over the world. There are several reasons why this trend is happenning, in my opinion. The first reason is that transportation has become cheaper. In the past to, flying by airplane iwas very cost a lotly, but now low-cost airline companies isare offering ticket withs at affordable prices. SoAs a result, more peoples from less developed countries who could not affording it before, can now they can buy thpurchase airplane tickets to go to Europe. Airplane is getting travel has become the cheapest way to travelling long distances. For example, in the past, it costing $1000 to fly from Beijing to Paris, but now you can find tickets for only $500 if you book in advances. Another reason people are travelling to Europe is because many peoplethat many individuals havinge more moneydisposable income now. As economies growning in Asia and other placeregions, the middle-class population can savinge more moneys for international vacation travel. This means they cann spend their income on flight tickets, hotels, food, and others thing expenses in Europe. SoTherefore, having more money in pocket allows them to travel to Europe. So I think I believe that the increase ing travel to Europe is good thingsa positive development overall. First, it letallows people to learning about new cultures and seeing famouse historyical places like the Eiffel Tower in Paris or Big Ben in Londons. This broadens people's mind whens as they seeingexperience new places and meatinget different kinds of people. Travel is also goodbeneficial for health because it involves a lot of walking a lot and trying fresh food. Also Additionally, this trend helps the economy and creatinges jobs. When tourists spending money in Europe on hotels, restaurants, and gift shops, it brings profite to businesses and, meaning they can hire more workers. This generates tax revenue for governments too. Andas well. Furthermore, the money from tourists can be used to protect important historyical sites and buildings. In conclusion, cheaper transports and moreation and increased saving moneys are causeing people to travel to Europe more often than before time. There are many benefits fromto this trend, such as cultural exchange, health improvements, support for businesses, and maintainingthe preservation of history. So aAs long as travel idoes not causinge problems, I thinkingbelieve it is a very positive development.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing the reasons for the increase in international travel to Europe and presenting a personal opinion on the trend. Key strengths include the identification of relevant reasons and a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and lexical variety. The structural changes made include clearer topic sentences, improved transitions, and the correction of grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of cultural exchange and varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but the organization of ideas could be clearer. Some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between points. A more structured approach with distinct paragraphs for each reason would improve coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('reason why this trend happenning'), incorrect verb forms ('is getting cheapest'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'more moneys' and 'good things overall.' The use of terms like 'affordable price' and 'cultural exchange' is commendable, but incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and avoiding redundancy would enhance the score. For example, using synonyms for 'travel' or 'money' could improve lexical variety.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for the increase in international travel to Europe and presents a clear opinion on the trend. However, the response could be improved by providing more specific examples and a clearer structure. For instance, elaborating on the cultural exchange aspect with specific examples would strengthen the argument.
6.0

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