You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Music Music is an important part of all human societies, both past and present. Nowadays we can listen to music from many different parts of the world and from many different historical eras. Do you think this is a positive development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Music areis very important to societies, both past and present. In the past, peoples canould only listen theo music from theyir own culture and time period. ButHowever, now, music from across the world and timedifferent eras is availaible to listen to. I think ithis is a positive. development. Firstly, listening to music from different places can help people learn about new cultures. When you listened to the instruments, rhythmics, and styles of music from a placearticular region, you getain an idea of what that culture is likes. For example, listening to African drums music can show how the rhythm is important in thatose cultures. OrSimilarly, listening to Chinese opera can tell you about China's historyical storyies. SoThus, music iserves as a window to understand other people in the world. Secondly, it is important to know about music from the past alsos well. All the music we hasve today is based on musikc that came before. Classical music from Europe in the 18th century still influencinges pop music today. Blues music from Americka 100 years ago is part of all the rock and hoip-hop we hasve now. By listening to old music, we better understand better how modern music develuoped. We getain a sense of how music evolves over time. In conclusion, I believe it is a very positive trend that musics from all over the world and throughout history is now avalilable to anyone. It allows people knowto learn about other cultures and understand musikc's history. It connectings people across distances, space, and time.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant points regarding the importance of music in cultural understanding and historical context. Key strengths of the essay include a coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a clear expression of the writer's opinion. The use of examples, such as African drum music and Chinese opera, adds depth to the argument. Critical areas for improvement include addressing grammatical errors, enhancing vocabulary, and improving coherence through better transitions. The original essay contained several spelling mistakes and grammatical inaccuracies, which have been corrected in the revised version. Additionally, the flow of ideas has been improved by using cohesive devices and ensuring a logical progression of thoughts. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of artists or genres that exemplify cultural exchange in music, as well as varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could enhance the logical progression of ideas. Improving the organization of thoughts would lead to better coherence.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('Music are very important'), incorrect verb forms ('listen' instead of 'listening'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'avalable', 'musik', 'Americka', 'develuped') and some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'music from different places'). To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling. Incorporating more sophisticated terms related to music could also enhance the lexical resource.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of music and its importance in understanding different cultures and historical contexts. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and examples. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made, such as discussing specific genres or artists that exemplify the cultural exchange in music.
5.0

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