You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: People in cities are losing sense of community. What are some reasons for this? What can be done to create a greater sense of community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

These days, many people who living in large cities are feeling a loss of community. There are a several reasons why this happens, but also ways we can improve the sense of togetherness in cityies. One bsignificant reason is that cityies have become much more crowded. With so many people living close together, it is hard to knowing yourdifficult to establish meaningful connections with neighbours well. In the past, people in towns would seeing each other at the market or in the street and have conversations. Now, most people are just rushing around from home to work and back, and they don't havinge time for chit-chat with neighbours. Another factor is technology -; people spend so much of time on their phones or computers instead of engaging in face-to-face interaction. Why go visiting a neighbour when you can just sending them a text message? This leads to people feeling less connectioned to those living nearby. However, there are steps that can be taken to build a stronger community in cities. Local governments and organizations can planning events like street festivals or block parties to bringing people together. This give chance fors neighbours a chance to meet each other and socializse. Alsodditionally, creating more public spaces like parks and community centeres where people can gather and spend time is essential. In my city, they recently opened a new library with space for people to reading, working, and just hang out together. This helps foster a sense of belonging. Finally, as individuals, we need to make an effort to connect with those around us, even if it is just a smile or a greeting to neighbours when passing by. Small actions like this can go a long way towards making a city feel more like a real community. In conclusion, the loss of community is biga significant issue facing cities today, but notit is not an unsolvable one. By working together and prioritizesing human connection, we can created cities that are not just crowded places but true homes. It takes effort from everyone, but the result - —a strong sense of belonging and togetherness - —is worth it.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the reasons for the loss of community in cities and suggesting potential solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of ideas, particularly regarding technology's impact, and improving grammatical accuracy, as several errors were present. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and refining vocabulary for clarity and sophistication. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or statistics to support claims and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical proficiency. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between sentences and ideas are abrupt, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the shift from discussing technology to community events could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the clarity of the argument.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('city have become' should be 'cities have become') and incorrect verb forms ('knowing' should be 'know'). These errors occasionally hinder clarity. While there is some variety in sentence structure, the overall grammatical accuracy needs improvement. More complex sentences could be used to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'loss of community' and 'city' being used frequently. More varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could elevate the writing. For example, instead of 'hard to knowing your neighbors well,' a more sophisticated phrase could be 'difficult to establish meaningful connections with neighbors.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for the loss of community in cities and suggesting solutions. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and some points lack depth. For example, while the mention of technology is relevant, it could be expanded with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.
6.5

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