You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some believe that art, such as painting, theatre and dance, is not necessary in modern society. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some people thinks that art such as painting, theatre, and dance is nots necessary to society thisese days. I thinkbelieve that art is still haveplays an important part to plays even in the modrern world, and iI disagree with this opinions. Firstly, art can helps people express themselfves and theyir feelings in creative ways. For example, when iI feeling sad or upset, I can listen to musics or dance to makes me feels better. Thisese outlets for emotions isare healthy and goods for mental healthiness and well-being. Without art, people might not have these chances to cope as good. effectively. Secondly, art has a role to play in education and learning. Many students learn best when they use artistic activities in theyir studies. If we removed art from society, thisese students might not have opportunities to learn in the way that works best for them. Alsodditionally, art is importancet in maintaining culture and tradition that, which need to be teached toaught to the new generation. Dance, musics, and theatre all helps preserve history and pass it to theon to youngers people. Finally, iI believe art haves economic value even in today's world. Many people isare employed as artists, and theyir work contributes to the economys. For example, the film industry make many moneygenerates significant revenue and creates many jobs. If art wasere not necessary, these types of jobs and economic activeities would be lost. Tourists also come to see art like, such as museums and performances, so art is stillremains relevant. In conclusion, while some may arguinge that art is not needed in society these days, I thinks it still has an importancet role. It allows for creative expression, supports education and learning, and even has economic significantsce. Art may take differents forms than in the past, but it is far from unnecessary.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion against the notion that art is unnecessary in modern society, effectively addressing the prompt. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as relevant reasons and examples supporting the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of arguments with clearer examples, particularly regarding mental health and educational benefits. The use of cohesive devices could be improved to create smoother transitions between points, and the frequent spelling and grammatical errors detract from the overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more detailed examples and elaborating on the points made to strengthen the argument further. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For example, transitions between points could be smoother, and some sentences feel disjointed. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the coherence of the argument.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'peple thinks', 'art is still have'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'can helps', 'makes me feels'), and awkward constructions. These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, ensuring that sentences are grammatically correct.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'peple', 'nots', 'modren', 'musics', 'importance', 'teached', 'youngers', 'econmic', 'necesary', 'differents') that detract from the overall quality. While there are attempts to use varied vocabulary, the frequent errors limit the effectiveness. To improve, the writer should proofread for spelling and consider using synonyms to avoid repetition.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion against the idea that art is unnecessary in modern society. It provides relevant reasons and examples to support this stance. However, the argument could be more developed with clearer examples and a more structured approach. For instance, elaborating on how art specifically aids mental health or providing more detailed examples of educational benefits would strengthen the response.
6.0

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