You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living. What is your opinion about this? What other time in history would be interesting to live in? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear opinion that the present is the best time to live, supported by relevant reasons such as advancements in technology and healthcare. The mention of historical periods like the Renaissance and ancient Egypt adds depth to the response. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some varied word choices. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there were several errors that affected clarity. Additionally, transitions between some points could be smoother, and the overall structure could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence by refining topic sentences, and enhancing transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples or personal experiences to enhance the overall impact and using a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, and there are some cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, transitions between some points could be smoother, and the overall structure could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through the argument.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'making our lifes' (should be 'lives') and 'better healthcare and medicine then in the past' (should be 'than'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical mistakes and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some varied word choices such as 'fascinates,' 'contributions,' and 'advanced.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'time' and 'live.' To improve, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and idiomatic expressions to enhance the richness of the language.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear opinion that the present is the best time to live, supported by relevant reasons such as advancements in technology and healthcare. The mention of historical periods like the Renaissance and ancient Egypt adds depth to the response. However, the argument could be further developed with more specific examples or personal experiences to enhance the overall impact.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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