You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think that depression and stress are the main factors affecting quality of life in today's world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, many people believinge that depression and stress isare the main factors affecting quality of living. I amfe. I agree with this view to a large extent. There are several reasons for my opinion, which I will explain in this eassay. Firstly, in modern society, the pace of life has become very fast. People have to work long hours and face a lot of pressure in their jobs. This can lead to the stress and anxiety. For example, many people in my country working overtime every day, and they do not have time forto relaxing or enjoy time with family and friends. As a result, they feel very tired and stressfuled. This significantly reduces their quality of life significantly. Secondly, depression is becoming a more common problem in today's world. With the increasing competition and pressure in life, many people feel depressed and lonely. They do not know how to deal with their emotions and problems. This can seriously affect their mental health and well-being. For instance, I have a friend who has been suffering from depression for a long time. He always feels sad and hopeless, and he does not want to socializingse with others. His quality of life is very poor because theof his depression. In conclusion, I am believe that depression and stress isare major factors influencing quality of life in the modern world. The fast pace of life and increasing pressure can cause stress and anxiety, while depression is becoming more prevalent and seriously affects people's mental health seriously. Therefore, it is important for us to pay attention ton this issue and find ways to reduce stress and prevent depression.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument regarding the impact of depression and stress on quality of life. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs and relevant examples that support the main points. The writer effectively conveys their opinion, which is essential for task achievement. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there is some repetition that could be addressed by incorporating synonyms. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and ensuring a clear thesis statement in the introduction. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific examples to provide more depth to the arguments and varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For instance, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' would enhance coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('many people believing' should be 'many people believe') and incorrect verb forms ('is main factor' should be 'is the main factor'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical mistakes and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'stress' and 'depression') and some awkward phrases (e.g., 'the fast pace of life'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the language.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by expressing agreement with the view that depression and stress affect quality of life. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement and could benefit from more developed arguments and examples. For improvement, the writer should ensure a clear position is stated in the introduction and provide more specific examples to support their points.
6.5

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