You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the today's world, Mmany animal species are becoming extinct or closing towards theare close to extinction. There are some reasons onfor this phenomenon and also some solutions to do savingsave the endangered animals. The main reasons are because of human activity and the nature changeschanges in nature. Firstly, peoples are hunting and killing the animals for various purpose like getting thes, such as obtaining furs, meat, and medicine. For example, the elephant population is decreasing greatly due to thbecause hunters want the ivory tusks. Secondly, the natureal habitats of many animals are being destructoyed due to deforestation, urban expansion or, and climate changes. The natural environment is importantcrucial for animals to live and breeding, so if their habitats are gone, it' becomes difficult four them to survive. Like theFor instance, polar bears isare threatened because the ice is melting. To solving thise these issues, I thinkbelieve we must do somtake actions. The gGovernments can madcreate laws to protect the endangered species and ban hunting and illegal trading. They must enforce these rules strictly to discourage the poachers. AlsoFurthermore, we need to protect and preserving the nature and habitats. For example, creating nature reserves or national parks where the animals can live freely is essential. Education is also important to teach people about the importsignificance of biodiversity and the need to respecting all living creatures. In the conclusion, animal extinction is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. By taking steps likesuch as law enforcement, habitat conservation, and public awareness, we can help to protect the endangered species for the future generations. It is our responsibility to take care ofor the nature and the animals that share this planet with us.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the reasons for animal extinction and proposing solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for reasons and solutions, as well as relevant examples like elephants and polar bears. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas and clearer transitions between points. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing cohesion with transitional phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific examples and providing more detailed explanations of the impacts of extinction. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for reasons and solutions. However, the transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between sentences and paragraphs. Some sentences are slightly awkward, which affects overall clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity (e.g., 'the todays world' should be 'today's world', 'peoples are hunting' should be 'people are hunting'). Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which detracts from the overall effectiveness. More attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence variety would enhance this score.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with some good attempts at more sophisticated language (e.g., 'biodiversity', 'urban expansion'). However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'animals', 'endangered') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'goverments' should be 'governments', 'four' should be 'for'). Expanding the range of vocabulary and using synonyms could improve this score.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the reasons for animal extinction and proposing solutions. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and clearer explanations. For instance, while the mention of elephants and polar bears is relevant, further elaboration on the impact of these issues would strengthen the argument. Additionally, the introduction could be clearer in stating the main points.
6.5

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