You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The experience of travelling in a safari park or a wildlife sanctuary is much better than seeing animals in a zoo. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some people think that going to a safari park or wildlife sanctuary is more enjoyable and better than seeing animals in a zoo. I agree that the experience is greater in a safari or sanctuary because animals isare free and behavinge naturally. First of all, when we goes to a zoo, the animals isare in cages or small spaces. They cannot move around freely and do what they wants. For example, lions and tigers cannot hunt for theire food, and monkeys cannot swing from tree to tree. This is not natural behaviour for them. In contrast, in a safari park or wildlife sanctuary, the animals have much more spaces to roam and live as they would in the wild. We can see them hunting, playing, and interacting with each others in a more natural ways. Secondly, the animals in zoos may be stressed or unhappy because of the limited space and unnatural envioronment. They may pace back and forth or show others signs of distress. This is not good for their mental and physical well-being. On the other hand, animals in safari parks or sanctuaries are usually more relaxed and content because they have more freedom and can live in a more natureal habitat. Seeing animals in this envioronment is a much more authentic and rewarding experience for visitors. Moreover, going on safari or visiting a wildlife sanctuary often involves being out in nature and exploring beautifull landscapes. This adds to the overall experience and makes it more memorable and enjoyable than simply walking around a zoo. It is also an opportunity to learn about the animals' natural habitats and behaviours from knowledgeable guides or rangers. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the experience of seeing animals in a safari park or wildlife sanctuary is superior to visiting a zoo. It allows us to see animals living freely and naturally, which is better for their well-being and more educational and enjoyable for visitors. If we have the opportunitys, we should choose to observe wildlife in these more authentic settings.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion and addresses the prompt effectively, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that support the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. The essay could also benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more varied cohesive devices to enhance coherence. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples and comparisons to strengthen the argument further. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For example, using more varied cohesive devices would enhance the flow. Phrases like 'first of all' and 'secondly' are effective, but additional linking words could improve the overall cohesion.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('animals is' should be 'animals are') and incorrect verb forms ('goes' should be 'go'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider variety of sentence structures would raise the score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'animal' instead of 'animals' and 'natural habitat' instead of 'naturally.' Additionally, words like 'beautifull' and 'oportunitys' contain spelling errors. Expanding the range of vocabulary and ensuring accuracy would enhance the score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion that supports the idea that safari parks and wildlife sanctuaries provide a better experience than zoos. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the topic. For instance, discussing specific species or comparing visitor experiences in more detail would strengthen the argument.
6.5

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