You work for a small company. You need to arrange for some time off work. Write a letter to your employer.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear and effective request for time off, relevant details about the duration and reason for the request, and a logical flow of ideas. The letter is well-organized, with smooth transitions between paragraphs. Critical areas for improvement involve adding a specific reason for the time off to enhance the personal touch and varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include the addition of a specific reason for the time off and slight adjustments to improve cohesion. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures. The tone used is appropriate for a formal request, maintaining professionalism throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and the use of cohesive devices, such as 'as you know' and 'I would like to request,' helps to maintain clarity. To enhance cohesion, the writer could use more varied linking phrases to connect ideas, but overall, the coherence is strong.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. Sentences are well-formed, and the writer effectively uses complex sentences. There are no significant grammatical errors, which contributes to the overall clarity of the message. To achieve a higher score, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the message clearly. Phrases like 'rest and recharge their batteries' and 'disruption to the company' demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there is some repetition of phrases like 'time off work' and 'I would like to request,' which could be varied for a higher score. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary could further enhance the lexical resource.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses the task by clearly stating the request for time off and providing relevant details, such as the duration and the reason for the request. The writer also emphasizes the importance of taking time off for productivity, which adds depth to the request. To improve further, the writer could include a specific reason for the time off, such as a family event or personal reason, to enhance the personal touch.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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