You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country. Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively addresses the task by clearly requesting information about the seminar's dates, program, accommodation, and costs. Key strengths include a formal tone and a clear focus throughout the letter. However, critical areas for improvement include varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more sophisticated language. Structural changes made include adding a brief statement about the writer's professional background to enhance context and varying some phrases for better lexical resource. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include using a wider range of linking phrases to enhance coherence and incorporating more complex sentence structures. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining professionalism and clarity.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific request. The use of cohesive devices such as 'first of all,' 'furthermore,' and 'finally' helps to guide the reader through the information logically. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking phrases to avoid repetition.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are no significant errors that impede understanding. Minor improvements could be made by varying sentence structures further, but overall, the grammatical accuracy is strong.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and clear, with phrases like 'I would like to request' and 'I would be grateful if you could inform me.' However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'I would like' and 'could you please,' which could be varied for a higher score. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary could also enhance the overall impression.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses the task by clearly requesting information about the seminar's dates, program, accommodation, and costs. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter, and the writer maintains a clear focus throughout. To improve further, the writer could include a brief statement about their professional background or interest in the seminar to enhance the context.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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