You would like to work in a different city to be closer to your family. Write a letter to your employer to request a transfer to another office. In the letter: Explain why you would like to move Request that your employer place you in a specific city Request that it be completed by a certain date

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing forto request a transfer to another city office. My current work is good, and I am grateful ato the company, but I have an important reason for moving. The reason is that my family lives very far away. In recent days, my parents' health ihas not been good,; they are old and need me to take care. I am of them. As I am their only child so, the responsibilities are on me. If I can transfer, it will be easier to visit them regularly and provide the care they need. Therefore, I kindly I request you to consider placing me in the Mumbai office. This city is where my parents are livinglive, and I can be closer to them. The work in the Mumbai office is suitable for my skills and experience. It, which I believe will also benefit the company. I would be greatly appreciated it if you could process this transfer latest byby the end of June. This timing is important because my father have as surgery in July, and I want to be there to help him in recovering. I am a hardworking employee and will continue to work very goodperform well in the new office. AI appreciate your kind understanding and consideringation of my situation. Thank you for theyour time, and I hope to receive your positive response soon. Yours Ssincerely, [Your Name]
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Expert Feedback

Key strengths of the essay include a clear explanation of the reason for the transfer request and a specified deadline, which addresses the task requirements. The letter maintains a polite tone throughout. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and possessive forms. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing the overall formality of the tone. Transition phrases were added to improve coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on how the transfer would benefit both the employee and the company, as well as using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for a formal request, maintaining politeness and professionalism throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter has a logical flow, but some sentences lack clarity and proper linking. For example, 'I am writing for request a transfer' should be 'I am writing to request a transfer.' The use of cohesive devices is limited. To improve, the writer should use more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, such as 'my parents health is not good' (should be 'my parents' health is not good') and 'my father have a surgery' (should be 'my father has a surgery'). These errors affect the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as 'I am grateful at company' instead of 'I am grateful to the company.' There is some repetition of words like 'family' and 'office.' To improve, the writer could use a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining the reason for the transfer request, specifying the desired city, and mentioning a deadline. However, the explanation could be more detailed and structured. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on how the transfer would benefit both the employee and the company, and ensure a more formal tone throughout.
6.5

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