Your apartment manager is surveying your opinion about people using barbecues on their apartment balconies. The apartment balconies are small. Some residents think that because barbecues can cause smoke and catch fire, they should not be allowed. However, others think that using barbecues should be allowed because people like to enjoy summer food at their home. Your manager asked you to complete an opinion survey. Option A: Residents should not be allowed to use barbecues on their balconies. Option B: Residents should be allowed to use barbecues on their balconies.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear apartment manager, I am writing to give my opinion about barbecues on small balconyies in our apartment building. I think that residents should not be allowed to use barbecues ion their balconies. There isare two main reasons for my opinion. First, barbecue make smoke and its create smoke, which can be botheringsome for other people who lives in the apartments. The balconies are very small spaces, and many apartments are close together. If one person is using thea barbecue, the smoke will godrift to other balconies and windows and make, making it uncomfortable for neighbours, especially if their windows are open. Second, barbecues can be a dangerous fire hazard. BThe balcony is small and close to the building. If a fire starts from a barbecue, it can spread fast to building and make bigquickly to the building, causing significant damage and posing a danger forto all residents. For thisese reasons, I strongly believe Option A is best choice. We shouldthat not allow anying barbecues on apartment balconies is the best choice. There is a public park near our building where people can make barbecue food if they want, so it will not be a big inconvenience. MIt is most important to makensure safety and considerateion for all residents in the building. Thank you for considering my opinion in this survey. I appreciate you asking for resident input on thisese issues. I hope my thoughts isare helpful for making a decision. Sincerely, [My name]
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Expert Feedback

Key strengths of the essay include a clear opinion against the use of barbecues on balconies and the presentation of two main reasons to support this stance. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples or elaboration on the points made, as well as smoother transitions between ideas. The vocabulary could be expanded to avoid repetition and enhance sophistication, and grammatical accuracy needs attention to improve clarity. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence by adjusting phrases for clarity, and enhancing the flow with better transitions. The conclusion was also strengthened to summarize the key arguments more effectively. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of incidents related to barbecues on balconies or referencing local regulations regarding barbecues. Additionally, varying sentence structures could further enhance the essay's quality. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining respect and clarity throughout the communication.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase 'For this reasons' should be 'For these reasons' to enhance clarity. Using more cohesive devices would improve the overall flow of the essay.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'should not allowed' (should be 'should not be allowed'), 'there is two main reasons' (should be 'there are two main reasons'), and 'my thoughts is helpful' (should be 'my thoughts are helpful'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would benefit the score.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'barbecue' and 'balcony.' Additionally, phrases like 'make big damage' could be replaced with 'cause significant damage' for greater sophistication. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more varied expressions would enhance the lexical resource score.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by presenting a clear opinion against the use of barbecues on balconies and provides two main reasons to support this stance. However, the development of ideas could be improved with more specific examples or elaboration on the points made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the key arguments more effectively.
6.0

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