Your child is going on a three day school trip to another country. The head teacher wants to find parents to go with the group and you would like to go. Write a letter to the head teacher. In your letter: Say why you would like to go on the trip Suggest what you could do to help during the trip Ask other questions about the trip

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear Head Teacher, I I am writing to you for the 3 regarding the three-days school trip of my son to another country. I am very interesting toed in joining this trip with the group. Firstly, I want to go because I am worried about my son's safety when travelling to a different country. He is only a 12-years -old boy and has never wbeent overseeas before. I want to take care onf him during the trip sto ensure he is okay. Also Additionally, I can helping by driveing the car if need transport is needed. I have a driving licensce in 3three countryies and Ihave droiven groups many times before. OAnother way I can helpassist is by watching the children on the trip, makeing sure they behave goodwell and don't g not wander too far, and helping the teacher organizse activities. I have some things Ia few questions I would like to ask you about this trip. What is the name and where ofof the country we are going to? How many days and nights will be the trip last? How many parents and students will go? Please give mbe attending? Please provide me with the date and time of the trip. Thank you for reading theis letter. I hope you will consider my request and allow me to joining my son on this trip. I will wait you'refor your reply. Your Ss sincerely, [Name]
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Expert Feedback

The letter demonstrates a clear intention to join the school trip and outlines ways the writer can contribute, which is a key strength. However, there are several critical areas for improvement, including grammatical accuracy, coherence, and vocabulary usage. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and refining the phrasing for clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include expanding on the reasons for concern about safety and providing more specific questions about the trip. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining respect and politeness throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are some awkward transitions, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use linking words more effectively to connect ideas, such as 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore' when listing ways to help.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The letter contains multiple grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I writing you'), subject-verb agreement issues ('I can helping'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, the frequency of errors affects the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and sentence constructions.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'I am very interesting' instead of 'I am very interested.' The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise expressions to convey their thoughts more clearly.
5.0
Task Achievement
The letter addresses the task requirements by expressing a desire to join the trip, suggesting ways to help, and asking relevant questions. However, it lacks some clarity and detail in the reasons for wanting to go, and the questions could be more specific. To improve, the writer could elaborate on their concerns for their child's safety and provide more structured questions about the trip.
6.0

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