Your class has been discussing shopping habits among teenagers. Your teacher has asked you to write an essay on it. In your essay, you should write about: ➢ where teenagers normally shop ➢ why shopping is a popular activity ➢ how to be wise shoppers Write your essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view.

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

These days, shopping has become a very popular activity for teens. Most of them likeenjoy going to malls or shopping center. There havres, where there are many stores and options available. Teenagers can find almost everything they need, from clothes to cosmetics products, and alsos well as foods and beverages. Some of them also prefer shopping online, which is more convienient. Shopping is popular among teenagers because it can be a social activeity. They can go together with friends and spentd time while looking for stuffitems. It is also a way to keep up with the latest trends and fashions. Many teens feel pressure to have the newest styles and brands. Shopping gives them a chance to express themselfves and their personalities through what they buy and wear. However, shopping can be a problem if teenagers donare not careful with their money. They should learn to be wise shoppers by setting an budget and compareing prices before buying. It is also important to focus on quality over quantity, and only purchase things that are really needed or will be used often. By practicing these habits, teenagers can enjoy shopping without overspending or wasting money on unnecessary items. In conclusion, while shopping is a popular pastime for teenagers that allows for social interaction and self-expression, it is crucial for them to develop responsible spending habits to avoid financial pitfalls.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and is structured logically, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of teenage shopping. Key strengths include the identification of social and personal factors influencing shopping habits. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the inclusion of specific examples to enhance the argument. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and refining vocabulary choices. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include adding specific examples or anecdotes to support claims and enhancing the use of cohesive devices for better flow. The tone used is appropriate for the task, maintaining a conversational yet informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow between ideas could be improved. Some transitions are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could help connect ideas more smoothly. Improving the overall flow would enhance coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('shopping become' should be 'shopping has become') and incorrect verb forms ('spent' should be 'spend'). There are also issues with punctuation and sentence structure. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'shopping' and 'teenagers'). Some word choices are awkward, such as 'convenient' instead of 'convenient' and 'stuffs' instead of 'stuff' or 'items.' To improve, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing where teenagers shop, why shopping is popular, and how to be wise shoppers. However, it lacks depth in some areas, such as providing specific examples or statistics to support claims. To improve, the writer could include more detailed reasons or personal anecdotes to enhance the argument.
6.5

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