Your employer is considering ways to adjust work hours and reduce them overall. You have been asked to provide suggestions on how to implement this change. Write a letter to your employer. In your letter - Explain why you think reducing work hours is a good idea. - Suggest how the work hours could be reduced. - Describe how these changes could benefit the company.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements, addressing the benefits of reducing work hours and providing suggestions for implementation. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant content. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the formality of tone. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions, and improving the overall formality of the language. Suggestions for further improvement not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of companies that have successfully reduced work hours and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is now more appropriate for a formal letter, aligning better with the expectations of the task.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, with clear sections addressing each part of the prompt. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, such as 'can be reduce' instead of 'can be reduced', and 'familys' instead of 'families'. The sentence structures are mostly simple, with limited variety. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and expanding sentence structures for greater complexity.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'work hours', 'work week'). Some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'for give' instead of 'to give'. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining why reducing work hours is beneficial, suggesting ways to implement the change, and describing potential benefits for the company. However, the explanation could be more developed, and the tone could be slightly more formal. For improvement, the writer could provide more specific examples of how reduced hours have benefited other companies.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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