Your friend had made a plan for you to see a movie together but you cannot now join him. You've found another friend who can go instead of you. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: Explain why you cannot go anymore Say who can go instead of you Say why this person is a good person to go with
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter demonstrates several strengths, including addressing all parts of the task effectively and maintaining a logical flow of ideas. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing cohesion with better transitions, and improving clarity with more precise vocabulary. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures and incorporating more cohesive devices to enhance the overall clarity. The tone used is appropriate for a letter to a friend, but a slightly more formal tone could be beneficial given the context of the message.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked for improved cohesion. For example, the transition between explaining the reason for not attending and introducing David could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the overall clarity.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, such as 'I cannot go to see the movie with you as we plan before' (should be 'as we planned before') and 'you will definitely has a good time' (should be 'you will definitely have a good time'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy and range of grammatical structures used.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat limited. Phrases like 'I regretted to inform you' and 'many commons' are awkward or incorrect. More varied and precise vocabulary could improve the letter, such as using 'I regret to inform you' and 'common interests' instead. Additionally, there are some repetitive phrases that could be replaced with synonyms.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses all parts of the task: it explains why the writer cannot attend, introduces David as a replacement, and provides reasons why David is a suitable companion. However, the phrasing could be clearer, and the tone could be slightly more formal to better suit the context of a letter to a friend.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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