Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear identification of the issue and a polite request for assistance, which are essential elements of a formal letter. The structure is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs detailing the incident, and a conclusion requesting help. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms and subject-verb agreement, as well as enhancing coherence through smoother transitions between ideas. The vocabulary could also be expanded to avoid repetition and correct minor errors. Structural changes made include correcting verb tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement, as well as improving the flow of ideas with better transitions. The overall clarity of the message has been enhanced by addressing these grammatical issues. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific details about the incident, such as the exact date and location of the theft, which would add clarity. Additionally, using a wider range of vocabulary could further enhance the letter. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining politeness and professionalism throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the transition between the description of the incident and the request for advice could be smoother. Using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance the clarity of the message.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I living,' 'I going,' 'I can not finding'), and issues with subject-verb agreement. These errors hinder the clarity of the message. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the letter.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are some repetitive phrases and minor errors, such as 'grocerys' instead of 'groceries' and 'for get' instead of 'to get.' The use of phrases like 'I am very worry' should be corrected to 'I am very worried.' Expanding the range of vocabulary and correcting these errors would improve the score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by providing details about the writer's identity, the incident, and a request for guidance on obtaining a new ID card. However, the response could be improved by including more specific details about the incident and a clearer request for assistance. For example, mentioning the exact date and location of the theft would enhance the clarity.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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