Your local hospital has advertised for people to do unpaid work, helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. Write a letter to the hospital. In your letter: Explain why you would like to do unpaid work at the hospital Say what type of unpaid work you would be able to do Give details of when you would be available for this work

Part 1 (General)
8.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter to express my interest in the unpaid work at your hospital that you have advertised recently. I strongly believe that this is a great opportunity for me to contribute to the community and gain valuable experience in the healthcare field. There are several reasons why I am interested toin doing unpaid work at your hospital. Firstly, I have always been passionate about helping others, and I believe that working in a hospital would give me the chance to make a positive impact on people's lives. Secondly, I am currently studying nursing at university, and I think that this experience would complement my studies and help me to develop practical skills that will be valuable in my future career. Lastly, I believe that doundertaking unpaid work at the hospital would be a rewarding and fulfilling experience that would allow me to give back to the community. In terms of the type of unpaid work that I would be able to do, I am open to any tasks or responsibilities that the hospital needs assistance with. However, given my nursing background, I think that I would be particularly well-suited to helping with patient care tasks such as assisting with meals, helpaiding patients with mobility, and providing companionship and support to patients. I am also comfortable with administrative tasks such as filing paperwork and answering phones if needed. As for my availability, I am flexible and willing to work around the hospital's schedule. I am available on weekends and during the evenings on weekdays, as my classes are mainly during the day. I would be happy to commit to a regular shift or to work on an as-needed basis, depending on the hospital's preferences. Thank you for considering my application. I am excited about the opportunity to contribute to the hospital and to learn from the experience. I look forward to hearing back from you soon. Sincerely, [Your Name]
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The letter demonstrates several key strengths, including a clear structure, appropriate tone, and well-developed content that effectively addresses the task prompt. The use of cohesive devices enhances the flow of ideas, and the vocabulary is varied and relevant. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as minor grammatical errors and some repetition of phrases. The phrase 'interested to do unpaid work' was corrected to 'interested in doing unpaid work' to enhance grammatical accuracy. Additionally, varying the term 'unpaid work' could improve lexical resource. Structural changes made include the addition of a comma after 'others' in the second paragraph to improve clarity and the adjustment of 'doing unpaid work' to 'undertaking unpaid work' for lexical variety. For further improvements, the writer could consider using synonyms for 'unpaid work' throughout the letter to avoid repetition and enhance lexical flexibility. Additionally, incorporating more specific examples of how their nursing studies relate to the tasks they wish to undertake could strengthen the application. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining professionalism and enthusiasm throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the task, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. For example, the use of 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Lastly' helps to structure the reasons for wanting to volunteer.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The letter demonstrates a wide range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'interested to do unpaid work' which should be 'interested in doing unpaid work,' but these do not significantly detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.
8.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with phrases like 'positive impact,' 'practical skills,' and 'rewarding and fulfilling experience' demonstrating a good range. There is some repetition of the phrase 'unpaid work,' which could be varied for even greater lexical flexibility.
8.0
Task Achievement
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task prompt, clearly explaining the writer's motivation for wanting to do unpaid work, the types of tasks they are willing to undertake, and their availability. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter, and the content is relevant and well-developed.
8.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card

Part 1 (General)
7.0

The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.

Part 1 (General)
7.0

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.

Part 1 (General)
6.0

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

Part 1 (General)
7.0

You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need

Part 1 (General)
7.5

Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you