Your local public library wants to make improvements to their services and facilities. In order to get ideas from public, they have asked library users to send them suggestions in writing. Write a letter to the librarian. In your letter, describe what you like about the library, say what you don't like and make suggestions for improvement.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs that address the task effectively. The writer expresses appreciation for the library while also providing constructive criticism and suggestions for improvement. Critical areas for improvement involve grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and spelling errors. Additionally, the use of more varied cohesive devices and synonyms could enhance the overall flow and lexical range of the letter. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, adding transition phrases like 'Furthermore' to improve coherence, and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples of services or facilities that could be enhanced, which would provide a more detailed response. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining respect and politeness throughout, which is suitable for addressing a librarian.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the library, which aids coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the flow of the letter. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' could help link ideas more smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors that affect clarity, such as 'the library have' instead of 'the library has' and 'libary' instead of 'library.' These mistakes detract from the overall accuracy. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the grammatical range.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'the library' and 'services,' which could be replaced with synonyms or varied expressions to demonstrate a wider lexical range. For instance, using 'facility' or 'resources' could add variety.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses the task by describing what the writer likes about the library, what they dislike, and providing clear suggestions for improvement. However, it could be improved by including more specific examples or details about the library's services and facilities to enhance the overall response.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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