Your next-door neighbour likes to listen to music late at night. Because of the loud music, you often lose sleep. Write a letter to the building manager. In your letter describe the situation explain the problems it is causing you offer at least one solution
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear identification of the problem and a proposed solution, which addresses the task requirements effectively. The letter maintains a polite tone throughout, which is appropriate for the context. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb forms and sentence structures, as well as spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the letter could benefit from a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs that enhance coherence. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. The introduction was slightly rephrased for clarity, and the overview of the impact on health and work was expanded to provide more specific details. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the vocabulary further and incorporating more cohesive devices to connect ideas more smoothly. Additionally, the writer could elaborate on specific health issues or work performance impacts to strengthen the argument. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining politeness while clearly expressing concern.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical flow, but some sentences could be better connected. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied. For instance, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could enhance the connection between ideas. A clearer paragraph structure would also improve coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('has been happenning'), and awkward constructions ('I am writing to you to talking about'). These issues affect clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and sentence structures, as well as proofreading for errors.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'happenning', 'situasion', 'dificult', 'nieghbor', 'apreciate', 'provlem', 'informations') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by describing the situation, explaining the problems caused by the loud music, and offering a solution. However, it could be improved by providing more specific details about the impact on daily life and a clearer structure. For example, mentioning specific health issues or work performance could strengthen the argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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