Your next door neighbour owns a small dog that barks throughout the day and the night. Write a letter to your neighbour requesting that something be done about the dog. Include in your letter: Your reason for writing What you would like to happen A nice, respectful style
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively addresses the task prompt by clearly stating the issue and suggesting possible solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the formality of the tone, correcting grammatical errors, and improving cohesion with better transitional phrases. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving sentence variety, and enhancing the overall formality of the language. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and using more sophisticated sentence structures. The tone used is generally appropriate, but a more formal approach would better suit the context.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to improve cohesion. For instance, using transitional phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help connect the suggestions more smoothly. The overall structure is clear, but enhancing the connections between ideas would strengthen it.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect use of contractions and punctuation. For example, 'you're' should be 'your,' and there are instances of run-on sentences. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures would enhance the overall quality. A focus on proofreading could help eliminate these errors.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'barking' and 'dog.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or varied expressions, such as 'canine' or 'pet.' Additionally, there are minor spelling errors ('you're' should be 'your' and 'youre' should be 'your'), which detract from the overall lexical quality.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task prompt by clearly stating the reason for writing and suggesting possible solutions. However, it could be improved by being more specific about the impact of the barking on daily life and by using a more formal tone throughout. For example, instead of 'I am kindly asking,' a more formal phrasing like 'I would appreciate your assistance' could enhance the tone.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
Related Writing Samples
Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card
The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.
A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?
You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need
Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you