Your town council has decided to demolish a historic building due to lack of funds to renovate. Write a letter to your counselor. In your letter, you should say; Why it is important to preserve the historic building. How the funds could be generated?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear expression of concern for the historic building and a logical structure that addresses the task. The writer effectively communicates the emotional significance of the building to the community and suggests viable alternatives to demolition. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there were several subject-verb agreement issues and spelling mistakes. Additionally, the vocabulary could be more varied and precise to enhance clarity and impact. The tone could also be slightly more formal to better suit the context of a letter to a counselor. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing transitions between ideas with cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' and 'Additionally'. Specific examples of fundraising events were added to provide more detail and support the suggestions made. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on the potential uses for the building and providing more specific examples of community involvement in the preservation efforts. The writer could also consider using a more formal closing statement to align with the tone of the letter. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for a letter to a counselor, but slight adjustments to formality could enhance the professionalism of the communication.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs addressing the main points. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of the letter. Overall, while the ideas are connected, the coherence could be improved with better linking phrases.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('it have' should be 'it has') and incorrect verb forms ('demolish' should be 'demolition'). There are also spelling mistakes ('comunity', 'neccessary', 'campain'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and correct spelling.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'demolish' should be 'demolition', 'comunity' should be 'community'). The use of phrases like 'valuable peace of our history' could be improved to 'valuable piece of our history'. To enhance the score, a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices should be employed.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task by explaining the importance of preserving the historic building and suggesting ways to generate funds. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples of events for fundraising and elaborating on the potential uses for the building. Additionally, the tone could be slightly more formal to better suit the context of a letter to a counselor.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
Related Writing Samples
Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card
The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.
A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?
You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need
Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you